In my healing journey, I have tripped and stumbled on hard truths. After falling, I look back frustrated and accuse, “Hey, what the eff?” Sadly, too often, I stomped away grumbling from that offense. Life goes on, until another stumble. Eventually, I am tired of tripping and falling, and I stop to see what is getting in my way.
Turns out, it’s me. I am the offense. In someone else’s story, I am the villain, the bad guy, the source of harm.
The path to healing always requires repentance.
While I realize that my own existence and my own voice were diminished, denied, and dismissed, I, too, have been the culprit of those actions towards others.
I can recall sitting in a college course about early childhood development discussing mental illness and disorders. A young lady spoke up about experiencing major depressive disorder and her struggles within the school system. She described her symptoms and daily challenges. With a dismissive tone, I said, “But you can just not feel that way.” I cringe when I recall this memory. Even though I was regurgitating the false truths I had heard from Christian teachers, I wish I had been more open to her see her, hear her, and validate her experience.
In life, we do not always get a do-over, yet repentance does not require one. I have no idea where that young lady is. I cannot remember her name. Regardless, not only am I apologetic for how I treated her, I have changed my mind regarding mental health and mental disorders. I made a mistake and hurt a person in the process. To the Most High God, I asked for forgiveness and asked to see and know and understand, how They do. In time, I learned and grew in compassion. It is not sufficient to only know better. When you know better, you do better. I hope I have done better and will do better.
Unapologetically growing,
LaToya