Spanked into trauma
“[From repeated threats and hitting] Having higher levels of oxytocin can trigger early puberty and may remove inhibitions around decisions to engage in risky sexual activities. Researchers have found that these girls have higher levels of intrusive sexual thoughts, consume more pornography, and masturbate more frequently. They may also struggle to compartmentalize their sexual preoccupations, control their impulses, and refrain from the very temptations that their parents want them to avoid.Let’s be clear: none of these activities are ‘bad things’ in and of themselves. But by the time parents respond to a girl’s perceived promiscuity, they don’t realize that they may have been sowing the seeds for this behavior … by hitting, yelling at, and threatening her. Put plainly, repeated … threats and hitting puts her more at risk for engaging in unsafe sexual behavior, teen pregnancy, and a tendency to choose aggressive, violent partners later in life.” From Dr. Stacey Patton, author of Spare the Kids: Why Whupping Children Won’t Save Black America
Restoring my magic
When I began therapy in 2016, it became clear that my brain was broken and damaged. I needed some serious re-wiring so I could break the toxic, dysfunctional cycles. That meant peeling through layer after layer, removing lie after lie, and introducing truth after truth. The truth is whuppings did not spare me from anything. They sabotaged my mental and emotional development and possibly hijacked my physical development.
In my healing process, I realized I did not know what healthy was. No clue what a healthy relationship with God was. Instead of wholeness, I saw disconnection. I realized there were moments in my life I deserved to grieve. I realized I was disembodied—disconnected from my own body.
Each day since that first day I gather the courage to keep doing the work for a healthy me—spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
The work of restoring my black girl magic.
The choice to parent myself while parenting the next generation.
The work of owning my sexuality as a divine gift.
The choice of having an authentic relationship with the Most High God through Christ.
I am thankful They are a God who heals and not a respecter of persons. Like with Joseph, Christ in God has worked that which was evil for our good.
For more on how whuppings jeopardize the lives of black girls, please check out the book Spare the Kids:Why Whupping Children Won’t Save Black America.