Content warning/Trigger warning: suicide, depression, anxiety
One of the best decisions I ever made happened because I kept dwelling on how much I did not want to be here, how I did not want to wake up in the morning, how I wanted to fade away.
In 2017, I decided to ask my therapist for a referral to a psychiatrist. After almost two decades, I was done reasoning away the panic attacks, deeply depressed mood, night terrors and daytime triggers, and suicide ideation. Whether my culture and the church accepted or not, I was done being afraid. I was fed up with not truly living, and I was no where near the vicinity of the abundant life Christ said He came to give me. I prayed to be happier and to be less anxious, confessing scripture after scripture and virtue after virtue to keep my mind focused on Christ and the things that were pure, holy, lovely, thankworthy, you know the rest.
Mental mayhem
For the charismatic believers, I went to deliverance services to have the spirits of depression, anxiety, suicide, insecurity, doubt, fear, and others cast out and off of me. In my bedroom, I acted out casting my cares upon Christ and not picking them back up. All of the spiritual hoopla, yes, I performed it, and I meant it with my whole being. Yet, my mind and my soul were burdened with mental and emotional injuries. It could not function according to the Most High God’s design.
At no point did a pastor or minister say to me to go to therapy or to seek psychiatric support. Not once. In fact, on one occasion when I took advantage of three complimentary counseling sessions through my workplace benefits, a minister cautioned me not be too open to the counselor. She said I did not want to let the wrong spirits in. Well, I had 99 problems and did not need to add one. Because of that statement, I did not even return for the third session.
Church—This is not how you disciple! This is not how you lead sheep to Christ, the Good Shepherd. When followers of Christ, dismiss and invalidate the mental health problems of believers, they become the thief or hireling Christ spoke of in John 10. Sermons and teachings that depict all mental illness as demonic possession are heresy and dangerous. Mental illness is not sinful. Mental health struggles are not transgressions. Neither are they wrong or shameful. They are part of a troublesome world. Christ told us of this trouble and that he had overcome it.
Choose Christ and counseling
Well, if Christ overcame the tribulation in the world, then why see a therapist and psychiatrist? Why take medications? Look, you can ask him that when you arrive in Paradise. For me, I believe wholeheartedly that Christ has overcome the tribulation in this world, and I believe he did so by endowing wisdom to the medical profession to create medicine that will
- Keep us alive longer
- Accommodate our brains to be healed and sanctified
Each day I grow and develop in wholeness. For that I am grateful. I am still here, and I refuse to feel shame and guilt for the path of life I walk in. I am proud of myself for loving me.
Unapologetically,
-LaToya
#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth #StoptheStigma #BeKindToYourMind #NotAlone #YouAreNotAlone